At first, there was a black darkness.
A wall of what seemed to be nothing.
I could feel my consciousness, yet I was looking at nothing.
After a few seconds that felt like minutes, light returned to my eyes. A vision one would pay millions to see, a vision of the giant planet I called home spinning slowly before my eyes. The sun lit up half, whilst city lights illuminated the other. I could see and hear everything happening down in the world below me, clear as if I were right next to them. I knew I couldn’t call out to them.
I knew I wasn’t there.
The space under my feet was filled with distant stars. The Earth’s moon was in the far-off distance. Moving. Isolated.
It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
I couldn’t help but admire the beauty of it all.
It took me until the end to see what I had missed.
I wasted it all.
I continued to look at those on Earth, listening to their stories, their laughter, their sorrows, their love.
The entire time, I had the power to see what everyone was doing, except I feared to look at my own home.
“You’ll need to look eventually.” A voice called out from beside me. I couldn’t turn to see what it was. I felt like looking, but all I saw was the distorted outline of a human. As if it was a person from a dream, a face my brain was unable to conjure.
“I know,” I replied as my heart sank with sorrow and fear. However, after one long gulp, I darted my eyes towards my home.
In this large world filled with billions, I was only one small place.
I saw the people who knew me, friends and family, smiling as if nothing had happened.
“Time has passed.” The figure said. “People have healed.”
I understood as I went back to looking.
Everyone seemed normal.
I didn’t know what I was expecting, but everyone seemed happy.
“I’m glad.” I said with a soft smile.
Then my eyes saw her.
Her smile as she pushed the pram that held her child. Her husband standing beside her, giving her the life I was never able to.
Her little laughs as she spoke illuminated her bright eyes. A face I couldn’t forget. Even at this moment, it was always on my mind.
“She never did pick me,” I said with a heavy heart. “I guess that’s just how things go.”
I continued to watch her for some time. My heart was getting harder and harder to hold back the tears.
The regrets. The failures. The frustrations.
All of which I have with myself.
I wanted to give her everything, yet I couldn’t even make her happy.
As I continued to watch her happy life.
The figure beside me spoke as a strange door appeared off in the distance.
I guess my time is up.
“You have a choice. If you wish, you can return to Earth and continue your life. You will eventually meet someone new and form a happy family. Or, if you go through that door, everyone around you will be given their dream life. But you will not be a part of it.”
I glanced at the basic brown wooden door, one that didn’t even seem worn out.
Then I glanced back to Earth, and continued to watch her life.
Out of everything, it was the one thing I asked for.
Not that it was ever something in my control.
Watching her now was heartbreaking.
That wasn’t me beside her.
It never could have been.
It never was going to be.
I had accepted it a long time ago.
But even then, the sadness remained.
By now, the tears couldn’t stop falling. Even though it seemed as if we were in space, they felt as if I was back home.
“She’ll be happy, right? Promise me she’ll be happy.”
The figure beside me nodded.
My eyes were already bright red as I looked towards the door, taking a few steps closer as my hand reached the cold, firm door handle.
I took a deep breath.
“Why do you pick the door?” The figure asked me. “You have happiness in your future.”
With my hand on the door handle, I laughed under my breath to myself, remembering some fond memories we shared one last time. Memories that gave me the dreams of what I wanted.
“No matter what, it won’t be the love that I felt for her. She was my one in a billion.”
The figure didn’t say anything else. It didn’t ask any more questions. It just stood there, watching me as I performed my final act of love.