If you had to give a value to yourself, what would you say?
Would you value yourself as quite high, or depressingly low?
Everyone and everything has value.
And that value changes depending on who you ask.
‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure’ is a very common saying. And I think it’s applied best to people.
You may not possess the courage you want to have, but that is more than enough for someone else.
You may not possess the self-confidence you want to have, but that is more than enough for someone else.
You never truly look at yourself.
Never in your life will you ever truly see yourself. You only see yourself in mirrors, cameras or other devices.
You can’t see how others see you.
It’s impossible.
You might hate one aspect of you, but someone else doesn’t. To them, that one aspect is what makes you, you.
Your eyes can’t see your back, but you can continue to look back on yourself.
You can wallow away whilst your eyes are attracted to your past, or you can climb out of it all and gaze to the future.
Because the only way to truly see yourself is to look to the future.
It’s up to you how you view yourself, but it certainly is hard to change your way of thinking. Experiences are often the way people think the way they do, and it’s the same for self-confidence.
Someone who is constantly told their drawings suck is probably going to give up drawing.
But it’s up to you how you receive it.
Personally, I’d use the frustration of being told to try and shut them up.
This brings me into a little story. When I was 17, I was doing my A-levels. These are super important exams and you really need to do well in them to go to university. I was terrible at studying. I didn’t know how so I didn’t bother. I did what I could in lessons but always wanted to go on my phone to read Manga.
My attitude would change, probably around 1 year later. I had returned home from university for the holidays and was meeting up with some old friends. As you naturally do, we started to wonder what the others in our school were currently doing, and then we got onto the topic of one person. The two of us had a complicated relationship, I didn’t hate them, but I always felt like they hated me.
Anyway, I don’t remember how we got onto the topic, but it came up that he thought I was lazy.
And that’s when it hit me. I was lazy.
I had always known that I was lazy, but I never really made the connection. It’s like my brain knew there was a word to describe me but hid it away to save me.
Knowing that this guy thought I was lazy was a shock, but also wasn’t. But I think it’s what made me suddenly start to work harder.
I don’t hate the guy, we always had a rocky friendship, and hearing that he thought I was lazy made me question if this was why our friendship was so rough.
It makes you think about events in your life and how they came about. One sudden realisation helps you understand a lot.
And he was right. I was lazy. Looking back on my past, I absolutely was.
I always did the bare minimum of any work, I would try and copy people’s work if I could, mess about and go on my phone, I would do anything to stop doing work.
But I blame that on many other factors.
Back then, I took being called lazy as a wake-up call. It didn’t upset me, it helped me.
But now, If I was to hear the same from people, it would upset me, because I’ve tried so hard to change that. Maybe I haven’t done as well as I hoped, but who can say.
I’ve changed a lot since my time in Secondary School, which ended a little over 4 years ago.
But what I’m trying to say, is that self-confidence is massively important. Hearing an insult from someone’s whose opinion you trusted most is heartbreaking. And it may be hypocritical, but I feel like there were times in my past where I was like that. I’m a bit rubbish at understanding attachment and emotions in a lot of places.
I had never had a passion, so I never understood what it meant to have it crushed.
There was one time in my life where I could probably relate to my above words, but who can say.
All I know is that writing is my current passion.
There is no point in looking back at the insults, just keep going forward with whatever it is you are doing. People will always hate, and sometimes you gotta turn your hate into power and show them what you are capable of. Even if they never see you again, it’s for your sake, not theirs.
You’re worth more than you realise.
That’s all for this one, I noticed I got a bit distracted so I’ll end it here.
Thanks for reading.
We are coming up to the end of the year, so expect my usual end of year posts soon!
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Once again, thanks for reading.
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