I feel as if I have messed up

I feel as if I have messed up.

I felt I was given a chance, but I missed it.

I couldn’t see it.

I couldn’t see the chance that you gave me.

I was given a chance to make life go the way I want.

And yet, I was unable to see it.

I have missed it.

I had missed it multiple times before.

Time and time again, I’m given a time for life to work out the way I want.

Time and time again, life doesn’t work out the way I want.

Is that because of what has to be? Or because of what I want to be? Or because of what needs to be?

I’m now stuck with the life I always had.

Regardless, it feels awful.

It feels terrible.

I don’t want it to feel that way.

I don’t want it to be that way.

If it’s meant to be, why does it have to be this way?

If in the future it works out, I don’t want it to work out then.

Because right now, I want it to work out.

I want the moment to be ok.

I want to know now.

I want it to be as I think it should be.

I want it to be ok.

Because I want to be with you.