To win the lottery requires an unrealistic amount of luck. The odds are too small for one man to ever comprehend, yet people win it regardless.
I sit before my computer screen in the dark of the room, with its white monitor light staring into my eyes. Gentle snow falls down outside my window, but my closed curtains stop me from seeing that view.
3 AM.
It’s not too late, the sun won’t be up for many more hours.
The night is quiet as I stroll through all these emails. Each email starts with the same few words.
“We are sorry…”
At some point, all the rejection was accepted into my body, which kept me up at night.
I’d rework my CV until it knew more about me than I did. But no matter how long I stayed up, I had to be doing something. If money wasn’t on my mind, I was useless.
I needed to earn money before I suffered a homeless Christmas. The upcoming rent was far too much. My little part-time job supplied me with food and drink, but not much else.
I’ve spent little bits on gambling, having no other choice, winning various amounts to get me by for the cold week. I took to learning new talents that added to the ever-growing list, but none of them seemed to help.
With my headphones on, I’d occasionally turn to check the song I’m listening to.
Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb.
Despite Christmas being so close, there was no desire to listen to any Christmas songs. The spirit of the season would never come. Even last year, when I started to notice my finances, the spirit quickly dulled.
I looked back to my computer monitor, staring at the subjects of new emails that have come through in the last five minutes.
“Congratulations!” Read the title of a spam email.
Delete.
“Sorry…”
Delete.
A heavy sigh escaped my mouth as I turned to my window. I pulled aside the dark curtains to see the white rug covering the roads; illuminated by the streetlights.
It was like a suppressed reality. A peaceful world where every sound was muffled.
The whole town was asleep on this magical night, there were no cares. Even the snow didn’t care if it collided with its friends. It was just happy to exist.
“It’s just funny, isn’t it…” I mumbled to myself as a heavyweight overcame my body.
I would never reach that comfort.
My shoulders were always tense as I crunched myself up on my destroyed office chair. My face was getting ever so closer and closer to the monitor as it burnt into my eyes.
I was always told to look away and take a breather to let my eyes rest.
That’s what the window was for. But the quiet night was too alluring, it was too much of a dream that I desired. And a dream I knew I could never get.
Like a rushing arpeggio on a harp, slowly playing up and down as each snow drifted in its own time.
I’d glance back to the time.
3:10 AM.
I should go to bed.
And repeat the same thing tomorrow, and the day after, and on Christmas Day and New Year’s Day. But only they will be spent in blissful ignorance.
But as I shut off my computer and return to that darkness, I turn back to my window.
A strange thought took over me as I grabbed my keys and rushed out the door.
I let the snow fall over my body as it created new clothes for me. The hood of my jumper was getting slowly heavier as it filled up, something I cared not to empty.
A strange smile grew on my face. This was peace. The world around me felt as though it wasn’t moving, yet everything in my view was. Even during the day, snow created an unseen silence. Cars come to a halt and so do people.
Time moves at the right pace for me.
I never wanted to leave.
I kicked up the snow with my feet, rolled up some snowballs, and created snow angels.
I was the first person to disrupt this peaceful land
All by myself, with a glow around my face.
I just wish everyday could be like this.
SlippyfopTV's Random Ramblings 