A Single Purpose

Purpose is strange. 

To me, purpose is one thing, but to you, it might be something else.

Ultimately the goal of humanity is to reproduce. You may disagree with it, or you may agree, the best way to guarantee humanities survival is through reproduction.

I actually started writing a little novel thingy about a character trying to uncover the exact things I’ll be talking about. All my characters are based on me in some way, and the guy in that novel I’m writing is the me that wants to find his purpose.

But I won’t talk about that fiction here (as that is fiction and different from reality)

So, let’s talk about me. Everyone’s favourite topic is themselves, you could probably talk about yourself for hours, but I’m not so vain that I’d do that.

My mind has always been a mess. I’ve been depressed since I was 16 and went into counselling for a year where I lied so that I wouldn’t have to do it anymore. I got out of it and my life never improved (who would have guessed). I went my life trying to uncover what I wanted to do with it. I thought I wanted to be a game developer as I had a knack for programming, but when I was in my first year of university, I realised what it was.

I wanted to be famous.

I may have talked about this before but just in case I haven’t I’ll talk about it.

For some strange reason, in my brain, I have the idea that the purpose of living is to contribute to humanities enjoyment of life.

That’s a nice way of putting it, but really, the only way to do that is to be famous. And so, the purpose of life is to be famous and remembered.

I’ve always used escapism as a form of helping my mental health. Writing, drawing, listening to music. All of these things helped me in various ways, and I wish to contribute to that. The wish of doing the same for someone else, but to get to that stage, you need to be famous. 

You could argue that you can help others without being famous. Therapists help people but aren’t famous. And I’d agree, but to me, It’s not about curing someone’s depression through media, it’s about making a smile. 

‘Even someone who never gets sad would smile at my work.’

That’s ultimately what my brain believes.

I say there is nothing wrong with me thinking this. If I didn’t, this blog wouldn’t exist, and I would be in a completely different place in life.

But, then there comes the realisation that it may not happen. It’s possible and likely that things never take off. This blog stays small, my drawing skill doesn’t improve, and the game I’m working on never finishes. That is possible. 

But will I give up? Most likely not.

Have I ever felt like giving up? All the time.

Even now, when I write this, I feel defeated as I realise that it won’t work out. I can’t assume my problems will solve themselves magically. I’ve got to do whatever I can to help myself and reach my goal.

This all might sound strange, but it’s the truth. Perhaps this all came from wanting to be someone I know I’m not. But that sounds too deep and don’t really care about that.

I’m committed. I may not be in a few minutes, but that commitment will always come back whenever I see the wonders and genius of people on this planet.

Star Wars, Marvel, One Piece, Classical music. All amazing pieces of entertainment that have helped more people than we will ever now. I certainly know that they have helped me. And I want to do the same.

Thanks for reading. It was a bit strange, but this was something I’ve wanted to say. As I said, I’m working on a little novel based on this idea of purpose and someone wanting to find purpose through their writing (basically, the life I wish I had). But that is fiction. I don’t know how long it will be, I might post the chapters here over time, or I might give it an actual physical release. I’ll see later down the line as I’m only three chapters in.

Once again, Thanks for reading. If you have any thoughts, leave them in the comments. I’d love to see them. And I hope you all have a fantastic day.