Is it too much to ask for an impossible wish?

“Is it too much to ask for an impossible wish?” I thought to myself as I stare at the rugged ceiling instead of trying to get to sleep.  

“Would I be asking too much if I believed there was a chance? Even if it was a small chance, something like 0.01%. Was that enough to still keep thinking about it?” I thought as I heard the sound of sirens in the distance. 

“People will believe in whatever it is they want. They fixate on things that give them hope. Following a path and breaking it down into each of its factors just to get the conclusion they want. Twisting whatever it is that is on their mind just to get the answer that they wish for.”

I stared at the darkness until I passed out. Thinking about not what I have but what I will never have. The darkness swallowed me as it did every night. The sound of me twisting and turning around my bed trying to get comfortable with the fantasy never leaving. 

“Even if it did happen it would never happen how I imagine it.” I always end up thinking.

By the time I’m nearing my sleep, my phone always illuminates the room with a pointless notification.

“Someone has started a live video.” 

“You have received a new mail.”

It wakes me up to check as I squint from the sudden change in brightness. 

I end up checking again, looking at the pictures of what could be even if it will never be.

“The out of reach hand and no knowledge of me.”

Even if I smile when I look at them, or the thoughts make me feel better about myself. It only makes misery for the current life.

The life that wants me to stay and tries to chain me down to reality.

“The wish that can’t come true. With 7 billion people, someone else will be living that wish.”

You can think about it all you want. Think about it all night. Forget about it in the morning and think about it at night again. It’s not you. Even if you think you can, you cannot. The dream world will suit you better. Trapping you in a cycle that persuades you with a reality that would be better than you own.

Even if the chances are small. Even if you don’t exist in the story you want to exist in. Is it too much to ask for an impossible wish?

Hey everyone,

A somewhat random post for the upcoming new year. I want to do something with this blog in 2020 but don’t know what. I’ll probably have an update post at some point. Have a good new year everyone!

Thanks for reading!